Paul to the Corinthians — For just preaching the Gospel isn’t any special credit to me—I couldn’t keep from preaching it if I wanted to. I would be utterly miserable. Woe unto me if I don’t. 17 If I were volunteering my services of my own free will, then the Lord would give me a special reward; but that is not the situation, for God has picked me out and given me this sacred trust, and I have no choice. 18 Under this circumstance, what is my pay? It is the special joy I get from preaching the Good News without expense to anyone, never demanding my rights. 19 And this has a real advantage: I am not bound to obey anyone just because he pays my salary; yet I have freely and happily become a servant of any and all so that I can win them to Christ. 1 Corinthians 9:16-19
During a recent worship service one of the scripture passages was first Corinthians 9, listed above. As I listened to the reading I was struck by Paul’s disclaimer of credit. He explains he couldn’t keep from preaching the gospel word even if I wanted to. He went on to say that he would be utterly miserable if he didn’t follow through, implying that God has given him this sacred trust and that he has no choice.
I thought about that statement and felt there was an element in it that applied to me in recent years. How do I say this? I firmly believe that my belief in Christ has resulted in the active presence of a Holy Spirit. Or perhaps, I have learned to pay attention to the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, I believe that the Holy Spirit speaks to all of us, constantly and, through belief in Jesus, we need to learn how to listen.
How do I say this without its feeling prideful? In January 2016, my wife, Joanne, died. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who honored her by their attendance at her memorial service. My family was there to support me and to pay their respects and to honor her by displaying so much of what represented parts of her life. At the conclusion of the service and after everyone had left, I stood in the lobby waiting. Finally, one of my daughters came to me and said “Dad, we’re waiting for you.” I told her I was waiting for Joanne, and it was like I had just triggered something in my heart, or in my mind, or maybe within my spirit.
That was a new experience for me, and I had a hard time adjusting to it. It wasn’t just the missing of my wife, although that was significant, there was something else that seemed to be present waiting to be recognized or applied. Throughout my professional life I’ve done a bit of writing; articles for professional journals, my dissertation, of course, I wrote some awful poetry, and some equally awful free verse. I had never written faith-centered devotionals, outside of an occasional sermon, or a fiction novel.
After Joanne died, and I struggled to get on with my life. I was asked to be part of a committee on the Reformation and was asked to write an article for the local newspaper. That led me into the world of Biblical research. Shortly after that, and because of that article, my pastor asked me to write a short Lenten story for our church newsletter. I did, but that little story kept calling me back to add to it, to change it, to expand the story. I began to sense a strange feeling that I was not in charge of that writing. Eventually, that story about redemption was published as A Life for Barabbas. The Holy Spirit told the story, I was the scribe.
I’ve been told that a debut novel was often the lesser work as other writings follow, and writing improves. I have two thoughts about that. First the storyline of A Life for Barabbas is excellent, and it systematically follows how a psychologist might track the life of a rogue who has a life changing experience. I believe the Spirit of the Lord brought me back to the story, time and time again, until the result was the story of redemption.
I could echo Paul’s statement that he couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. From my experience with the story of Barabbas, the research required to build the story, the prayerful times spent trying desperately to hear what the Lord was saying to me, was something that I couldn’t stop. My concentration was focused on the Lord story. In all honesty I missed contact with my family, important doctor’s appointments, made promises that I remembered only after the fact and the moment was gone. Which is to say, I got lost in story.
However, in writing, it is a terrific and mystical ride as the story unfolds. Sometimes I am simply overwhelmed by what is coming out on the page. To say it causes satisfaction would be an understatement, it’s more like excitement. When I submitted my latest manuscript, entitled The Inn on Jericho Road, two Writers Edge, professional editors and critics, and they awarded it with a “Recommended” rating, it felt like I had gotten a little gold statue.
I’ll keep on writing because I think that’s what the Lord wants me to do. I highly recommend the flexing of your imagination, the listening to your inner voice, and the spinning out of story. May the good Lord guide your thoughts and your pen.
For What It’s Worth.
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