Over the years, a close friend and critic (my daughter), has given me several books on the creative process, books by interesting authors she has known, including a self-directed workshop book that promised to make an artist out of me. And all the while sending me messages or thought-o-grams that said “Dad, start writing!” Well, finally, I did!
One of her gifts to me is a book entitled The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield. He’s the guy that wrote “The Legend of Bagger Vance”, my favorite golf tale. I have to admit that my first reaction to receiving Steve’s book was a deep sigh and a roll of my eyes. However, reviewers really like this book, calling it “powerful”, “cogent”, “smart”, “a vital gem”, and, to quote Esquire, “…a kick in the ass.” So, I began to read and started an interesting journey into what causes me to write or not!
In recent years, due in part to my critic’s nagging, I find that I am an essay writer with my own blog and a vast sea of followers. At last count, I had maybe a couple dozen wonderful people following my blog! Top that if you can.
The essays just flow out of me, almost unbidden, just like water from that old pump in the back yard, no matter how many times I prime and prime, very rarely do I get more than a drop! On my computer I have a file entitled “Blog Ideas”, that contains more than 200 ideas, some good and some not so much, inspired ideas, and there they are right in the file, undeveloped, neglected, gathering rust. On the good side of ledger are over 100 published essays, and now close to 500 daily faith-based devotionals, one published novel, one soon-to-be published, and several completed manuscripts.
Writing is not a smooth process for me. It is a bumpy road with many starts and stops and detours. Inspiration comes in bits and pieces and discouragement too often overshadows what I thought was a good idea. So time after time I return to that “interesting journey” with Steven Pressfield, may I call you Steve? He has this idea that the thing that gets in the way of creativity is “resistance”. I got so excited! He named it! I can see it now and I know why I fail to be inspired. That makes me feel better, it is not me that has failed to write, it’s that darn resistance that gets in the way. Thanks, Steve, I feel a weight has been lifted off my meager talent.
Okay, I did read the whole book. It is a small book, less than 170 pages, but, oh what he has crammed into those pages. The reviewers were absolutely correct. There were times when I thought he knew me, and worse, could read my mind. It is a book I will refer to often, for assurance, for discipline, and when I need that kick in the …
So, I have to ask myself, if all that is true, where does my resistance come from? How is it that I have so many “good ideas” on file and so many starts and stops? What is it? Is it my “to do” list that beckons me away from “work”. Am I lazy? Yes. Do I lack talent? Yes…or no. Do sad memories or family stresses crowd out my willingness to work? Sometimes.
Do I have a “creativity deficit”? No. Down deep, do I hate the “work”? No. Do deadlines bother me? No, because I have no deadlines, but if I did, I don’t think they would bother me. All my life, it seems, I worked more effectively under pressure. Even in the newsroom, getting the copy in now, presses are running wasn’t a big deal. Even my dissertation was written against the deadline of my oral exams. Deadlines?Forget about it. You might as well call them “motivational moments”.
To be honest, there is no lack of talent, I say to myself. There is no deficit in creativity. There is self-criticism. I do not write to an audience, I write to my sense of meaning, of symmetry, of faith, of the observed human condition, and I write to my sense of story. Always, there is that wee small voice that informs me, “that piece is not good enough, work on it!” Or, occasionally, “I like it, publish it.” Or more frequently, throw that in the trash, hit the delete key, whatever, but get it out of here!
I know that creativity emerges as resistance is overcome. I have seen that in those instances where my writings have been published. My resistance is not a single element, it is made up of multiple threads, each one must be “nipped in the bud” to quote Deputy Barney Fife of Mayberry.
But what happens when the reverse it true? What happens when distractions take me away from my work? You know, the little things that compete for my attention.
I sit here in front of my little macbook, staring out the window at people working in their yard and wonder what drives them to do that…and my writing stops!
Then I notice my “to do list” needs a check mark, so I better take care of that…and my writing stops!
I look at the clock…not yet time for Happy Hour…and I pause in my writing!
My eye catches three little paintings we brought back from England and Scotland, and my mind wanders…and I recall some good times, and my writing has stopped!
I look at my desk and think, this is a mess, I can’t work under these circumstances. Then I recall Steve’s admonition that creativity does not tolerate disorder, so I had better straighten it up…and my writing stops.
I snap out of it! I realize that these are all threads of my resistance. Why do I hate writing? I don’t! Then why don’t you write? I…I…don’t know! I suddenly realize that I have discovered two other threads of my resistance…self-pity and priorities. Poor guy, can’t write. Poor guy can’t squeeze it into his busy schedule. And that raises two other questions: Whose in charge of my schedule? Me. Well, dummy, why don’t you get on your own schedule? The other question is: Where should my mind be in order not to be distracted? To not be caught in the snare of the threads of my resistance?
I look at what I have just written and, strangely enough, more words come, poorly structured, but nevertheless the ideas are there just waiting to be polished. Is that the answer, stay focused. Be serious. I still want that scotch, but I don’t want it enough to give up the polishing of these ideas before me. And I ponder, Steve, this drive that postpones a break, do I just ride it out into exhaustion? Tell me, what do you think? Then the Steve in my head says to me, “you just found another thread of resistance if you are asking those questions you might as well start Happy Hour because your polishing is over for the day.”
Fair enough. I suck up to myself by saying “this has been a good start”. I’ll get back to it tomorrow…maybe. Time will tell, I may need to work on that to do list! Oh, get out of here resistance! Happy Hour starts right now, and I find no resistance! Cheers!
For What It’s Worth.
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